Happy Halloween!

 

Here’s a nerd-type question but one I think is very telling about someone’s personality. What it actually says, I don’t think I could rightly point out, but it says something. Maybe you’ll know what I mean why I finally get around to it.

 

The question: If you had to be one or the other, a vampire or a werewolf, which night-time curse would you pick?

 

If someone put the question to me, I wouldn’t hesitate to answer, “Werewolf, man!” I guess if I am fated to tear people apart and gorge on their spilt blood I’d like to be Wolfman Style. Here’s why:

 

1) Only have to be getting down to business once a month or so.

 

2) I’m slashing people and running amok, howling at the moon and whatever but it’s a feral kinda thing. There is far too much knowing and intelligence in a vampire’s killing. That’s a fairly grim enterprise and I think encompasses a far greater evil. A wolfman is all crazy killer instinct. He may be a tortured soul in the lead up to go time but once you’re there there’s no checks, there’s no thoughts. And afterwards, it’s like, “This isn’t the real me. It’s the friggin’ moon that’s calling the shots.” Wait. Maybe that mindless killing is worse. Shrug.

 

3) I get to wear flannel and not a cape. (By the way, when did flannel ever enter into my mind as a necessary component to the wolfman’s look? Lon Chaney Jr. never wore flannel. Neither did Michael Landon.) I think it suggests a kinda down-home monster rather than some pretentious flappy bat-thing. And maybe this is part of it as well: Capes don’t work, especially if you’re not a dramatic person. I just don’t think I could pull of the theatricality of the whole thing.

 

4) If I really didn’t want to kill anybody it seems that I could very easily lock myself up, avoiding any wanton rampaging. It’s not as if my animal intelligence could figure out how to get out. And I don’t buy the whole strength-beyond-superhuman strength thing. I think that I’m going to get a little boost but, man, I’m not breaking out of any Yale brand lockdown.

 

5) The werewolf has far fewer weaknesses: I can enjoy the sunlight. I don’t HAVE to kill (Vampires dry up without a steady supply of blood. Wolfmen don’t). Crosses aren’t a nuisance. Neither is running water. I can check myself in the mirror. Sure, silver can settle my hash but it’s a precious metal, not totally common and especially not in bullet form.  I can have garlic in my spaghetti sauce and on my pizza. And, again it’s not a full-time lifestyle thing. It’s just the one time a month.

 

6) I got a whole mouth full razor-sharp teeth not just a paltry pair of incisors. Oh, and there’s the claws. They’re pretty cool.

 

7) And, finally, there is something to be said for furious action, that whole go-for-the-throat kinda mentality. Werewolves all deserve a varsity letter in midnight mayhem.

 

Oh my nerd, did I just come up with 7 reasons to support my answer? Eek.